Branches Drip With Ice

Branches drip with ice

Out beyond the window pane —

Beautiful and chilled.

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The Beginning of Autumn

The beginning of autumn:
A lamp from some-one’s house is seen;
It is not quite dark.

Buson

I read this haiku translation from Japanese and wondered if I would like it better in a modernized 5-7-5 format like this:

The start of autumn:
A lamp from a house is seen;
It is not quite dark.

Buson

I’m not sure I have a strong preference to be honest, but it was a fun exercise.